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Jan 27th 2009 4:07pm
NZPA Wgtn
Award-winning New Zealand advertising executive Matthew Johnstone has written a book with his Australian wife Ainsley on their long battle with his depression.
When they met, there was no sign of anything wrong, Mrs Johnstone told the Daily Mail.
"He always seemed so upbeat, outgoing and, more than anything, happy".
But when they fell in love two years later, he explained he had been battling clinical depression since his early 20s and was close to breaking point.
"He put on such a good show that when he told me he had depression -- that he couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate, had no energy or enthusiasm for life -- I didn't quite take in what that meant," Mrs Johnstone said.
"I just thought: `We're in love, we'll deal with it.' I had no idea of the impact it would have on our lives."
Together, they have written Living With A Black Dog, for both suffering from depression and those who care for them.
It follows on from his book, I had a Black Dog: His Name was Depression, which was a finalist in the 2006 Montana book awards.
The "black dog" of depression is shown in the latest book in glossy cartoon images, constantly at the sufferer's side -- sometimes as a dog-shaped rain cloud, sometimes pulling at his ankles, but always present.
"Depression can be contagious -- carers for people with depression can be subjected to such pressures and difficulties, and have so little support, that they can end up struggling, too," said Mr Johnstone, 44, who worked for the Saatchi & Saatchi agency.
"I was in my early 20s and was doing incredibly well in advertising, rising through the ranks and making a name for myself."
"But at home I couldn't sleep, I had tingling arms and I didn't want to see anyone. It was as if I had two faces -- one for the world and the other who was the loser, the failure that I saw in the mirror and despised."
He suffered from a chronic mood disorder that caused prolonged bouts of sleeplessness-lethargy, all-pervading gloom and self-criticism. He spent years on prescription drugs, but his wife said: "I was constantly worrying about him and trying to think of things to take his mind off black thoughts".
"He once announced he was off to join a kibbutz. Other times it was more serious, when he would hint obliquely about suicide ... he'd tell me he was going off for a walk and I'd be on edge until he returned home."
The New Zealander was a block away when the Twin Towers collapsed in New York on September 11, 2001 and decided to give up advertising to become a writer.
The couple moved to Sydney, married in 2004, and now have two daughters -- Abby, 5, and Luca, 3, -- who they describe as "the best antidepressant".
Credit:NZPA
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